Humans have not evolved to attend to constant emergencies. We evolved to deal with the occasional bear attack in our neck of the woods, the intermittent weather event where we live, or a rare broken leg in our village. Brains can only do what brains can do, and brains cannot handle constant, daily, input of complex emergencies that are not only in our village but also in all the surrounding villages, as well as in cities and countries all over the whole world.
We are not lazy, being weak, or being sensitive snowflakes when we are constantly exhausted, completely overwhelmed, or when we feel paralyzed and disconnected. It is not that we are "calling everything trauma," but it is that our brains and nervous systems are exposed to more traumatic things than ever before and we are not equipped to handle this. It is not just the nearby bear attack, the local weather event, the medical emergency in our village, but it is this, hundreds of times over, in our newsfeeds, on our phones, in our living rooms on the television. Brains have not evolved to be able to process this.
What can we do? First, remind yourself that you are not failing, but that we are in an unsustainable and unmanageable system. There is no way to work hard enough or try enough to make this fit with the bodies, brains, and nervous systems that we have. It is too much.
Second, pick what you want to do and do that, and realize that you cannot do more. Keep a clean house? Raise your kids well? Rescue local cats? Counter domestic violence? Be the pastoral support lead in your religious community? Fight for human rights abroad? Get through the week without hurting yourself? Get through the day and not drink? Pick a few. That's it. You cannot do All The Things. Your martyrdom to All the Things does not serve you, those who love you, or our world.
Third, connect with others who are uninterested in being martyrs to our Age of Busy and the Tyranny of the Urgent. We belong to each other. We are wired to connect with a few people, to look out for each other, to love each other, to encourage and challenge each other. Jesus did not pick 10,000 disciples. He got 12. There was a reason for that. Our brains just can't do as much as we are trying to get them to do. We just do not have the capacity to save everyone, to do everything, and to push as hard as we are pushing without losing something very precious which is presence to the moment we are in, and the great richness of the human experience. This richness is impossible to perceive if we are running around like chickens with our heads cut off.
To summarize: You are not doing it wrong. Be gentle with yourself. Pick a few things and only do those. Find others who want to be here now and find ways to create space and connection. How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.*
*Credit to Annie Dillard for the final line.
Joyce Garner, "picture yourself," 72 x 144" oil on 3 canvases
October 29, 2024, vol. 1 issue 7
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I just realized the date of the original post. Such a timely read today, though! I haven’t scrolled my newsfeed on Instagram or Facebook for 5 weeks and it has been wonderful! I’m missing out on events in our country and world, but for now, I’m present with my actual life.
Just what I needed today. Thank you so much! I’ll be re-reading again later, and then probably a hundred times after that.